For May 3, 1998

Shaun, I often go back to May 2, 1998 the day before you would be taking from my life forever each year as the “Three Day Rolex” comes to the Horse Park in Lexington, Ky. and I hear it on the news I go back in time to that day because I was there. I remember thinking have I done my best for you as I sit there I knew in my heart I had tried but as most mothers I’m sure I felt I could have done more but I remember being at peace with it.

So many times in the last fourteen years just one day before you would be murdered oh, the storms that would come my way and at times take over my life. I wonder was God preparing me with some peace by letting me ponder on our life together because he knew in a few short hours you would be gone…

I have learned of a pain that no Mothers should ever have to know or hear about her child, some before me and some after me that have suffered so bad. I find myself wanting to hear their stories if it’s just to let them talk about their child if only for a moment, the love, the pain they have endured and need to tell someone who will not judge them for the feeling they have. I know at times we do and say things that unless they have lost their child or walked in our shoes for a day they would never understand.

I know I do, so with Gods help, I will do my best to help every mother I can to learn to how to move on slowly and that means remember the good times and the bad so just maybe they can one day at a time, like your mom is doing Shaun. I have found some peace and lord knows I am so thankful to God, for our family and friends who have been so patient with me so I could talk, laugh, cry and read the stories they have wrote about you. I am so blessed and I know it!!!

I will never get over you, I will never have the same smile on my face that I had each time I saw you, the kind of joy in my heart that only you could bring me, the love for life I had on May 2, 1998... Son you didn’t just leave me you took the best part of me with you and all the memories in the world will never fill the hole left in my heart that belongs only to you my Sweet Baby Boy…

As always when I make myself come here to write something I cry cry cry but with Gods help I always make it through another day without you it‘s not easy but I do. Shaun only God and me truly knows how far I have come in fourteen years. As always and forever until the end of time Moms will be loving, missing as my heart screams out to just touch, feel, hug, kiss your face and hold you forever… I know that will never happen, here in this lifetime and that is so hard at times but God will see me through another day. Mom

The Cord

We are connected, my child and I, by
an invisible cord not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord that connects us 'til birth, this cord can't be seen by any on earth.
This cord does it's work right from the start,
It binds us together attached to my heart.
I Know that it's there, though no one can see
the invisible cord, from my child to me.
The strength of this cord, Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed, It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord, man could create
It withstands the test, can hold any weight.
And though you are gone, though you're not here with me, the cord is still there, but no one can see. It pulls at my heart, I am bruised... I am sore, but this cord is my lifeline, as never before. I am thankful that God, connects us this way A mother and child, Death can't take it away!
Author Unknown

 

But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:31