May 12 2002  

SHAUN, I started this page for me and you  and this will be my letters to you I think this will be my way of letting myself heal from a broken heart one that will never ever be the same without you son in moms life. Some days I will need to cry and I know you would understand if you could see moms heart and yes, I know you would never want me to cry to long. Other days I hope to tell about all the good times we had in 19 shot years together. Today Shaun I just want to say over and over how much I love and miss you in my life, the smile you could always bring to my face as no one can… I cannot stop crying for my child, I love writing your name over and over as if I could ever forget it so here goes SHAUN SHAUN and SHAUN but mom just needs to see it. I have a song for this page that says just how much about the way I feel about you. I hope to get it on here soon (Sara Evans “No Place That Far” My baby boy if only I could I know I would try to run, crawl swim a hundred rivers to climb a thousand walls just to get to where you are. Son, moms will never face anything in my lifetime as hard as losing you…

I know if you were here, you would see the pain in my heart and soul and you could see moms will love you until I take my last breath on earth as much as a lifetime will allow me too… I would want you to know I still look for your favorite things like Cocoa Pebbles ever time I go to the cereal. The last time I went I though Oh No they do not make it anymore. So I just walked up and down the aisle so sad because I always want it to be there like the yoo-hoos, 1000, 00-dollar candy bar, Corn Dogs, Orange juice and so many more things. One last time I went back and there it was I had to smile thinking of you my baby boy forever and always until the end of time.

A wife who loses a Husband is called a widow. A Husband who loses a wife is called a widower. A child who loses a parent is called a orphan. But, in Yiddish, they say. 'There is NO word for a Parent who has lost a child...That is how awful the loss is."

March 29, 2012

Shaun my darling son how miss you tonight my heart and soul actually aches tonight to see and hug you one more time... As I know when I come here it hurts so bad and makes me cry and cry of all the days gone by without seeing you my baby boy. It seems to be hurting mom so much this year I have heard that time heals and I know it does some but not this year.

14 years coming up in May 2012 how this could happen to us I just cannot comprehend it in my mind or my everyday living how or why… I don’t question God anymore I know he saw more down the road than I could and now I just have to put my trust in him when the pain get unbearable to live with…

I feel anger with in myself (not at anyone just myself) when I hear someone say “don’t cry because you died but smile because you lived.” That does not help make it any easier for me in anyway, today is the day I need you more than anytime in my life Shaun. God please me through this night…

I miss your tattoo, your kiss on my cheek just because I touched it and your smile that would melt my heart when you come home after being gone for a few days. You had such a heart-warming smile and always seem to love life always so happy the way I wish I could have been. I know all who knew and loved you miss all those things too…

Time may help me to live with it but nothing can take the pain always from the dark please in my heart that belongs to you Son. I will never love, laugh, run or play with anyone the way I could with you. God you know how much I am suffering tonight and so many days past and days to come…

I could go on and on baby but the more, I think of you the harder my night will be one thing for sure is you know you could always count on me when you needed me and I could do it. I am so thankful to God for helping me know how much love we had for each other from March 3, 1979 through May 4, 1998 and as long as I have my right mind, I will still be loving you until we can be together someday. Forever and always your Mom…

My beautiful Birthday Boy!

 

 

 

 

 

March 4, 2011 Happy 33^rd Birthday Shaun!!!

Feb. 22, 2011 Shaun my love, this would have been your Thirty second Birthday and 13 years of Birthday without you. I could never or do I want to imagine how anyone could take a child always from their Mother especially when they have children of your own. I wish for the day when I can tell of the great times in our life together and there were many but my heart and mind just want let me. I sometimes wonder if I’m afraid of what others will think maybe I have moved on or just gotten over not having you in my life. Lord knows I could never do that my sweet baby boy. This is a work in progress and one day at a time and today is all moms heart will let her say I think it shuts down. So with the help of the Lord I will add more tomorrow. Feb28, 2011 Well Shaun, it give mom some peace of mind when I think that you are with Grandma and Grandpa Baker celebrating you Birthday knowing how much they loved you it would have to be a happy time. God has helped me with knowing the man who took you from me is free today, I thought I would die knowing he can do all the things you love so much… The Lord knows how much I can stand and I know he will keep mom in his loving care until we can be together again… March, 4. 2011Mom knows she needed to talk about your Birthday not the day someone took you from me… From the first day I held you in my arms my life would forever change your Mother heart. I would never look at life again the same way I did before March 4, 1979 a new life had just began for your mom, here I goes cry cry crying. That day would bring a new way of seeing, living and loving life more than I had ever known before or after and it was you sweet baby boy that brought that new love of living to your mom‘s heart. Only a loving mother could know the love and pain of having it all, and then having it all taken always to understand my love, my lost and my life today. Oh, what a wonderful life you brought to me in good times and bad, lord knows there were enough of both but you was the sunshine in the good times and the bad. I still thank God for letting me keep you through the good ones as well as the bad ones. Sometimes I don’t know how I have gone on without you for this long. It’s time to stop mom can’t keep going on, it's cry cry cry. I love and miss you so much with my whole heart, soul and mind…  your heart broken Mom without you Shaun loving, forever and always until the end of time.

 

May 3, 2011 Shaun, my baby boy today will be thirteen long years of loving, missing, hugging and crying over you a lot for the memories we made and the ones we could have made together. I still wonder what might have been from time to time but it hurts to do much of that. If not for this man being so angry inside and out at the world. It was not fair but we, you and I paid the price for every time he didn’t get his way, which did not happen to often, as I would later learn. A big overgrown bully that was all he was to anyone and everyone who let him push them around. Sometimes I wonder if he even thought he would have to pay at all for taking your life, I didn’t think he did. This would never have been a day to remember nothing special about it a day to work and play maybe with your children my grandchildren maybe. I will never know what could have been for us, I want to think you would be happy somewhere fishing, looking for mushrooms and you were the best at that. Just another day in our lives to enjoy each other and our big family as I know they feel the love and missing you as I do. Son, as I set here tonight remembering the day you were born as you laid in my arms you were so tiny in a big world and I could not see what it would bring us only 19 years 1 month and 29 days later. March 4, 1979 you were born at 8:20 pm 7lbs. 15 oz my life was forever changed that day, you would forever come first. I would never again put myself before you, my shoes could last another year, that pair of jeans I thought I needed well, I didn’t need them as much as you needed all those 22 shells to practice shooting tin can. <Warm Smile Remembering> Thanks to me putting you first you were a great shooter <big smile> As much as I love to sleep in on all those cold Saturday’s and Sunday mornings after working the week before. Well I really didn’t need all that sleep when you needed to go Deer, Turkey and squirrel hunting. Not only would your needs come first but when I could your wants would too but, that was okay because I love you so much. To many times I watch as you were hurt by the ones who should have love you the most and now the anger enrages me more today than when it happened. I knew at the time I would do my best to make up for it but, now if I don’t get my mind off of it I feel I could kill, it still hurts that bad today. Looking back, I know I had never truly loved before you came along and never would I love the way I did after you were gone. The saying “if tears could build a bridge to heaven” well I know I could do that tonight… I know we had more happy times than bad but the good and bad was what made life good for us. So many good memories were made between the wonderful day in March of 1979 and that horrible day in May 1998. I am so thankful for knowing in my heart and soul I was a good mother and you were a great son. I’m sure times would have only gotten better as we both grew together and moved on with our life… Now fast-forward it to May 3, 1998 when my two brothers came to tell me you were gone... I remember screaming saying “no he not” all the time beating him with my fist to make him stop and like the kind loving brother he was, he let me keep hitting him over and over until I couldn’t do it anymore. I know I begged God for your life that day I know I promised him anything and everything I could if only he would spare your life but it just wasn’t meant to be… I called another of your uncles to make him tell me it wasn’t true. I remember saying it can’t be true and he was telling me it was but still not believing him I ask “have you seen him and know he is dead” still begging God for your life, he said yes. Someone had come to church and got him, he found you lying by the side of your truck so he made it to you before the police did. I made him say he had seen you and he had, he stayed with you until they got there. It was too late for anyone to help you, you were gone within minutes. This man knew you were dying as he would tell in court how he could feel the air coming from your back as he tried to lay you down while you were still trying to him you were sorry, you thought it was a stray dog his words “I never give him time I just stared shooting.” Three hours always form you and I thought I was going to die before I could get to you I had to see you for myself. I told my family to tell the Funeral Home I would die if I could not see you so they agree to let me stop by on my way To Our Home the one that would never be our home again. Once again, I would hold you in my arms for the last time that day and it will forever be burned in my mind, heart and soul. As I come into the Funeral Home to see the child that I had carry for nine months and then for 19 short years in my heart was gone. I remember as I kiss you over and over, as I tried telling you it would be okay because we were going to wake up and it would only be a nightmare. I wanted so badly for you to hear and see me, I guess I was trying to make myself believe it… This child I had left 10 days earlier, the son who said in his last words to me as he kiss my cheek for the last time, were “Mom, you worry to much I will be okay” he couldn’t see what that day would hold for us. All I wanted was for you to see and hear me as I look into you beautiful brown eyes that night. Your life was gone with in seconds and so was mine as we knew it on March 4, 1979 until May 3, 1998. I once again would start a new one. Like the day I held your tiny little body, I would never knew just how much my life would change that day, never would I be whole again… Oh sweet Baby Boy of Mine, I still wish I could put you first in everything in my life… God help me to go on, until you called me home too. The happiest days of this life is over for this mother without her child... Forever and Always Shaun’s Mom loving and missing you with my whole heart, soul and mind as I always have…

 

 

What could have been...

Looking so boyish Maybe 5 years old.

 

March 22, 2010

My baby boy, so many thing have happening in my life since I wrote to you. I missed your birthday I couldn't get on the computer and I'm sorry, most everyone in our family signed your guestbook and that is to let me know they haven't forgot you. I know they never will!!. It will be 12 years in a few weeks that you have been gone. Shaun, I some time wonder did I ever really have you????? I feel so sad when I have these feeling, It's time for mom to start crying.....

we have lost your uncle Kenton I hope he tells you how much I love you, your uncle Earl and James "Baker" as you would say. I got the knife back that he gave you from his time in vietnam. I miss him sometimes so bad, I just have to do like I did with you, get it off my mind or I would loss it. We have a new member in our family his name is Austin Ray Baker it's Mike's baby. Your cousin Chris and his wife are having a baby boy and naming it Shaun after you, that makes four babies that I can think of now.

Shaun, mom is 52 this year going on a 100 in my heart and mind... Son I miss you so much, I still don't understand things. Why us?? I got to stop for now, I can't stop crying. I feel like everyone might think I don't love and miss you because I don't come here more. Oh god, please help me.....

Son I do love you but I'm a mess when I come here. Oh son, I'm so glad I did all I knew to do for you, I know you was happy most of the time, you truly lived you life the way you loved it. That help mom to know that you knew how much I did love you and had you lived oh what I would have done to help make you happy all the days of your sweet life. Mom can't stay here any longer, can't stop crying, you would have to be here to only know how bad it hurts.... Mom

 

 

    

Dec. 2007

My Dear Sweet Son, how can it be my 10th Christmas without you? Shaun not one Christmas light has Mom put up since you’ve been gone and I can’t for see I ever will. Baby Boy, I miss you so much this time of the year and still wonder why you… This would have been your 28^th Christmas and oh how I wish I could just see what it would have been like for us, You married? Me with grandchildren?

I will never know, and moms heart hurts so bad, if only I could hug you once more and hear You say I love you Too. I know this is things we did everyday and that makes me wish even more that I could have you back. Only someone who has loved and lost what We had can understand me!!

I have hope of being with you someday and my pray to God is please just let you call me mom, until then I must give thanks to my Lord Jesus Christ for the 19 years he let me have you. I also thank God he let me give you the flowers while you was living with me everyday.

I still wonder so many times why anyone would take your life, why not just talk to you, you were willing, or even hurt you, but not kill my baby boy. I wonder did he not know the love of a son the way I did, and still do… I don’t think so!!!

I could never for see 9 years and 7 months ago I would be worrying or even thinking about someone getting parole in April 2008 less then 10 years, but even more hurtful in knowing he will be release Sep. 23, 2011 after only 13 years 4 months

I just can’t understand why your life and mine meant so little. The love, of my life, ended the day he took your life and now to think he can start anew one. God is my only hope to live with this.

~Always and forever loving you Shaun~  Mom

 

 

Shaun with cousins Jason and Jerome

12-13-2007

Well, Baby boy, I wish I could write more to you but sweetheart you are always in my heart and on my mind. I have being watching a lot of Christmas show and when someone dies and comes back it always makes me cry. I just wish I could know you was here with me sometimes.

Shaun, I know when I make your no bake cookies you will be in my heart. I will be going home so everyone can help me make all the cookies and candy that you ones did and Oh God I wish it was you this year. I just thank God he will help me another year without you…

We will be wearing the badges in your memory this year and I wish I could put all the new members with you on a picture. I guess I will try that next year. Son, only my lord knows how much I miss you tonight. I would love to have you here and go get the peach pop we both loved so much.

Son I pray that you’re in a better place than I’m in tonight. It so lonely here without you Shaun and mom can’t wait to be with you some day soon. Until then please always and forever know you will be mom’s baby boy. Love and Hugs are being sent your way.

Baker Family Reunion

Aug 2008

Shaun, mom needs you so very tonight, I feel so alone without you son. I wish I could come and work on your website without crying so much. It just reminds me you are not here, you are not coming home anymore, and it hurts so bad son. I cannot believe it is now going on 11 years without you in my life and sometimes I just wonder what life!

Next month we "The Baker Family" will go on our 18^th Family Reunion at Lake Cumberland. I was looking through the book everyone signs each year and so many sweet memories of you and the love our family have for you and each other, I wish you could be here! I know we would be so excited about getting everything ready to go.

I made a promise to myself after the Parole Hearing in May, I would try to move on the best I could to be somewhat happy again. Never could it ever be as it was when I had you with me, Never… Well it’s not going to be easy baby boy after all you were my life, so I will say thank you God for helping me for now, one day at a time!

I know you are loved and missed by all our family and I’m sure I will hear a sweet memory of you at the reunion. I can say from my heart thank you God that you knew how much I loved you!

My beautiful beautiful baby boy, I will love you forever and always until the end of time.

                               April 16, 2008

Well, Shaun I ask and got what I wanted so bad from the Parole Board on April 16, 2008. We went to the prison for his hearing and he would not say he was sorry for all the heartaches he caused our family but that’s OK he was ordered to serve out the remainder of his time. No more parole hearings will I worry about going to. Thank you sweet Jesus for that!!!

The parole board members were so kind when we went before them on April 14, 2008. I felt for the first time someone listen to what we had to say. Shaun, we had so much anger, hurt and why’s, but it was all about "YOU" what we your family loved and lost on May 3, 1998

I feel Mom has gone as far as I can to help make him pay for the uncaring act he did to us, but never in this life time will I be whole again. I feel my soul has been emptied out and now I will try to start my life a new the best I can. I know it will take time but I will work hard on it, I know that’s what you would want for me.

I ask God to please help me with this and grow stronger in his love. Once again I find he is what I will need and if I will drew near to him he will draw near to me. Its times like this when I will need him the most. I do thank you Lord for all the prays you have heard and for helping me and my family come through this.

Still, always and forever Son. "MY BABY BOY, SHAUN" will I love and miss you with ever fiber of my being. Until God blesses us to be together again!!!

Mom

 

 Dear Shaun, this is so hard for Mom to do, wishing I could wish you a Happy  Birthday and know you would be here to hear me. I do go back in time to the day you where born and wish I could see how little time I would have with you. Oh how I would cherish ever moment with you and forget the little things and not worry what others may think. It would be all about you sweetheart!!!

I know we had hard time but we also had many happy ones. Shaun you were so kind and understanding and that’s what made you so special to me. If only for a moment I could see what it would have been like for us, You married? Me with grandchildren? Maybe the granddaughter I wanted and you said you would never have because I didn’t have you any brothers and sisters.

Shaun, life is so short and you never got to live yours to the fullest... I’m so thankful that I have hope of being with you someday and my pray to God is please just let you call me Mom. I do thank God for the 19 years he let me have with you and to give you the flowers while you where living with me everyday, I just needed more time

Son, as the date comes near of the day you were Murdered I’m so saddened to think 10 years have gone by without you with me for one day and time is almost here for the man who took you from me to come up for parole

I’ve wonder so many times why he would take your life, why not just talk to you, you were willing, or even hurt you, but not kill my Baby Boy. I wonder did he not know the love of a son the way I did, and still do… I don’t think so!!! I could never for see 9 years and 11 months ago I would be worrying or even thinking about someone getting parole in less then 10 years, but even more hurtful in knowing he will be release Sep. 23, 2011 after only 13 years 4 months I just can’t understand why your life and mine meant so little to him. The love, of my life, ended the day he took your life and now to think he can start anew one. God is my only hope to live with this.

~Always and forever loving you Shaun~ Your, Mom

April 18, 2005

Shaun, as this horrible day May 3, comes for the 7^th time I wonder why it has to be like this for us. Son I just wish I could be with you. I had found no happiness with out you before May 23, 2004. God had blessed me with a little more but nothing like it was before you was murdered. I ask God a lot to please take good care of you until I can someday soon "I hope". A lot of your family went to the Flower Garden a few weeks ago and there was lots of four wheelers and everyone was just sitting around talking and looking at everything. I was so happy to see so many there and told them it was a pretty site for my eyes to see them all just visiting. They was amaze with everything and that no one in 6 years had bother anything. I truly thank God for every ones kindness. So many has left me notes about you or just offer their prayers and love. Shaun, I love knowing so many people knew you and how much they thought of you. Son, I hope that means I helped do something right. My love, I miss and love you so very much tonight. Shaun my heart cries to hear you just say "I love you mom". Oh how I would be happy to hear you just say anything or if only I could hug you and never let you go. CRY CRY CRY that’s Mom as I think of all I would love to say or do just one more time but that would never be enough I would just want more. With Gods help and my prays we can someday Son........ Got to go! Can’t stop Crying!! Love you my Baby Boy, Mom

March 4, 2008

Shaun, my baby boy, 29 years ago our lives had just begin. You so tiny, me so afraid of things I could not do. As the years came and went you grew up so fast and all the time I was still so afraid

Of things I could not see before you.

Tonight as I sit here wishing I could say something to help myself, my broken heart and spirit. Without you sweetheart your Birthday is just another day of wanting to wishing you so many things I can’t.... Shaun I do know that my life will never be normal again without you.

As I set here writing you hoping to find peace in myself, but nothing seems right that I say. I can’t tell you something I’m not sure of myself.

Today I let myself wonder back to the little baby boy, maybe two years old, lying in my bed with a high fever, keeping cool towels on his little forehead. You where so sick and had to be put in the hospital. I could pick you up and hold you so close to me. God, I want my child back for his 29^th Birthday. If only for the day!!Mom’s crying crying crying so hard I can’t see. Lord, I know we could talk until his next birthday and still not tell him how much this has devastated my life. God, only you can understand what I need, not what I want. Please help me to also understand.

Shaun, it is raining so hard here tonight and a good time for cookies and hot coco like we used to do. It’s so lonely being here on your birthday and the rain. I know your life is so much better than mine, and for that I truly thank God. I wonder what my life would have been like without you and God. He has helped me make it this far and I know he will help me all the way. He didn’t promise it would be easy, some days better some not.

Mom’s life has been turned up side down with the parole hearing coming. Your life never mattered to the man who took it and now to think the most your "our" life is worth is 13 years. I can’t understand this. I just want to scream, make him stay longer to pay for what he did to us. I know no one would listen anyway. I wonder what he’s looking forward to first, coming to the flower garden to see where he took your life or just doing all the things you love so dearly.

I much say I was hoping he would die in prison where he belongs. Life just gets harder when it comes to him "whose name has never been mention or never will on your website."

Shaun you would be so proud of our family and friends and all the kind, loving and caring memories they have of you and kindness for me. We always knew ours was the best, and they haven’t let us down. Mom love you and wishes I could if only for a moment look in on you and know you’re happy!!

Forever loving you!!!

Mom

I love and miss both of you...

02-28-06

Shaun, my baby boy it’s almost your birthday and I can't celebrate it without you here with me. I can’t believe it’s been 27 years ago that you where ready to join this big old world. How I wish I knew then what I know now Son, I would have tried to make everything in your life better. Sometimes I think how I wish I would have been a better Mom but, I know you would say you was and you worry to much Mom and Son, I do. I still worry about so many things I know I can never change and you’re one of them.

As I came home the other day as I do so many times look up at the sky and think what would we be doing today "I sometimes forget you would be alot older and out on your own" this day I thanked God for some peace in my heart and wish I had let him help me sooner. I sure needed him.

I took a drive on the back roads the other day like we use to do and for the first time sense losing you I kind of let myself enjoy it but never like I did when it was you and me.

I still have the your shirt in my closet you had laid out to wear the day you.... and I will always keep it with my clothes as long as I live so I can touch a part of you. I also have a bottle of your Ralph Lauren that I love to open and smell and Baby Boy it still smells just like you.

As I start to remember to much I just want to cry and cry so it’s time for Mom to stop. I hope to go and set out some flowers at the Flower Garden and Cemetery this weekend on March 4, for you on your Birthday. Forever and always loving and missing you Son.

~Mom~

Oct. 2005

Only God knows how much I love and miss you Shaun and how hard it is for me this time of the year with everyone getting ready to go Deer hunting. I know how much you love everything about camouflage, fourwheeling and hunting. I can only imagine in my mind how excited you would be getting all your things together to go with everyone. Son, my heart still cries to hear your voice or just to touch you once again.  Mom

May 2, 2005

Dear God, tonight as I sit here thinking about Shaun and how much I miss and love him I need you to please help heal some of my broken heart. I know it can never be the same without him in my life but could you please help me through the next few days. I know he’s not coming back to me and God that is almost more than my heart can stand. I was just thinking back to the way I would touch my cheek and he always knew what I wanted him to do "kiss me" and he always did if he wasn't mad at me :). God it’s the little things I miss most like him coming to get me and take me and buy us a peach soda, we both loved them. Asking for french toast, wanting chocolate chips cookies and milk he loved this, he always ate my chocolate chips because I didn’t like chocolate. He could always make the best scrambled eggs I ever ate and I haven’t had any like his senses he was called home. Lord, I sure do miss my baby boy tonight. Shaun your aunts, cousins and me worked at the Flower Garden and the Cemetery today everything Is beautiful. Aunt Robin bought you a flag and had everyone sign it at church today, it had a Deer on it so we knew you would love it. Tom and Bryan put it up. Son, I’m sending you hugs and all the love I can tonight through my mind and heart. Shaun, it hurts so bad, got to go. Mom

 

12/4/2002

Shaun, as I came home today it was snowing and my mind drifted back to the many times you loved playing in the snow. Now you know that’s going to start, mom crying, just remembering how you would come in so cold and we always made hot chocolate. Son, my memory of you and I together at Christmastime are all good and that makes it hard for me to get in the Christmas spirit. If only I could have you once more to help me celebrate I know it would be so good again. Son If only!!!!

I was thinking the other day about one of our best Christmases with Paul, Richard and Geneva in Lancaster, Ky. It was 12/23 /1993. I love that one because everyone got something they wanted. After opening the gifts we all went out and walked the streets to look at the Christmas lights in all the stores. It was so cold but we loved that part to because we knew when we got back to the apartment wed make hot chocolate with chocolate chip cookies. The next day we all went to be with our on families. You and I always went back to Leslie County Ky. for Christmas, it could never be Christmas without going home and we never missed one year in your life. Those were the good times that I thought would always be there for us never knowing just how little time we had left, God what I would give if I could go back. Son If only!!!!

Shaun, I now realize I had it all and didn’t understand I wasn’t as grateful as I should have been. If only we could go back when I had you to spend everyday with I wonder what I would change. I don’t think I could tell you more that I loved you because I told you so many times I know you got tired of hearing it. I do know I would slow down and enjoy my time with you more. I would laugh and play more and try not to worry as much as I did. Life passes us by way to fast and the little things that meant so much to you sometimes got over looked and I’m just so sorry for all I didn’t get to do. Son If only!!!

09-20-2002

Shaun If only Mom could really write you a letter and know you would get it, it would go something a lot like this.

Hey My Baby Boy how’s things going for you way up there in heaven with everyone. I'm sure its great but I miss you all so much. Please tell Uncle Aubrey, Grandma and Grandpa Baker
that I love and miss them also. But most of all please tell grandma Baker to put her arms around you and hold you closes to her heart and tell you about a mothers love for her baby.
Again, Shaun Mom can't stop crying. I love the idea of you and her talking about me and you. I know she would tell you
how special you always was to her. She loved you so much
as we all did and now to think her and Dad is always there with you makes me a lot happier. You was only two when we lost Grandpa so I'm sure you and him are having a great time talking about hunting and camping in the great outdoors. You and him always had so much in common and you loved to hear about him. As Fall is upon us Shaun, I can see you everywhere. It's squirrel and deer hunting season and camouflage is everywhere and anyone who knew you, knew you was a camouflage nut, but you was an adorable one. I'd really like to know what your days are like. I hope they are as wonderful as you are to me. Well my Baby Boy Shaun, until next time please know you are right her to stay forever in Moms heart and a sad heart it is without you love.
Love always and forever your Mom

September 9, 2002

Well, my darling Baby Boy, we have had another family reunion at Lake Cumberland this year. This is our 13th year to meet and our 5th year without you. There were 45 of us this year and as everyone signed our book your name appeared many times. It makes me so happy to know just how much you are remembered, missed and loved by everyone. As I read what some had written about you, I laughed and cried but it was all good. Everyone wants to make sure your memory lives on so as we are blessed with new nephews and nieces I know they will learn about their cousin Shaun who was so loved. Shaun we have the Most Wonderful Family in the world and I know you would love them for all they have done and still do for mom. They have been long suffering with me and I now know it couldn't have been easy at times.

As I watched everyone riding the jet skis and the tube I could still see you in my mind doing these things. You were always so good at all of these things and you loved every minute of it. I know you loved the attention you always got because riding the jet skis and tubing always seem to come so easy for you and sometimes not so easy for others. I'm sure it was because you were around the water all your life. Shaun, so many times I just sit and wonder what would it have been like if you had been there with us. Would you have been married? Maybe I would have a grandchild, who knows maybe more than one. I'm sure I would have loved it! Son, I just wish I could know what you would have done this year but I'm sure it would be something that I would be worrying about, after all, you always said I worried to much.

This is the frist time I have truly enjoyed camping in 5 years and everyone seemed to notice that time and prayers has helped me with this. This has been a year of healing for mom and God knows I need to do some healing from my broken heart since you've been gone from my everyday life. But Son you will never be gone from my heart only death can take that from mom. I still love, miss and need you everyday.

Love, Mom

08-10-2002

As I come to this page on your web site Shaun I was heart broken to see some of my letters to you were gone. I'm sure when the web site was down for a few days it deleted them.

Shaun, I love working on this site for you but sometimes this one page is so hard for me. Its a reminder to me that you're really gone and lots of days if I work really hard on it I can make myself think you're only gone for a little while and will be home soon. I also know working on the other pages is my way of staying sane. Without you, Son, I wonder what God had in mind for me. I'm thinking he didn't understand how much Mom needed you in her life. Sometimes I feel so alone in this big old world without you Shaun. With all the love of our wonderful and caring family I still need you to make my life whole again. I know in my heart that this is not going to happen but I'm just not ready to tell my heart that. Please always know you are and always will be # 1 in my heart and my life. Love and missing you my baby boy SHAUN